the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
