Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
