Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
