i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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