I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Who died my cat blue again?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
