oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
