it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
