My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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