Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
