this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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