we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
