Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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