I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There was a lot of him and a little penis
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
