You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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