I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize