i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
