Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
