i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You have to summon your inner elephant
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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