So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
