Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
