Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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