Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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