Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
