True but thats because hes a fetus.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
