my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
