Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
