just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize