Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
