Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
