Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry ThoseGuys hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(813): View more from Florida

I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.

Fav 41 5408 1591
share tweet
(831): View more from California

I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.

Fav 3 3689 784
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(919): View more from North Carolina

It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.

Fav 9 1542 3713
share tweet
(763): View more from Minnesota

Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.

Fav 4 2021 1000
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE

Fav 3 1536 719
share tweet
(315): View more from New York

im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.

Fav 4 754 1153
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.

Fav 2 710 1355
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(386): View more from Florida

She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.

Fav 0 106 18
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(516): View more from New York

I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.

Fav 0 25 7
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT