Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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