I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
