I'll bet she douches with gravy.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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