To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
