im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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