it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
