...so i touched it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
