found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
