i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
