i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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