just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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