and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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