It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
