One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
