I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
