Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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