she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
as a side note pls kill me
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