Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
