my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
