I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
