is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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