he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I did not marry a roomba.
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