Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
