I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
