dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize