Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
