too bad you live with your parents still
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
