you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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