I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
