Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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