He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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