I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
