My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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