I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
