So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
