my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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