he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
