woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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