Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Actions speak louder than pants.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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