New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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