come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
