The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
